my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
