I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
