What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
