alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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