Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
