I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
