even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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