Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
