I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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