A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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