my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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