saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
