Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You are the jesus of drinking
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
