you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
