so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
