If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
