"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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