I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
