so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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