"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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