the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
