I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
