my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
