Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
