my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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