You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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