laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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