sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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