This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
