there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
