i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
