Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
