I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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