My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
