apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
