Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
