You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
