Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
