I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
