Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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