she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
