I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
