Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
