I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
