Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
