he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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