I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
