how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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