That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
