Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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