She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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