All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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