I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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