I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
