I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
