walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
